Random Ramblings from the King

I'm going back to work tomorrow.

I'm going back to work tomorrow (or today, it's already 2 AM, but whatever). It's been a fun 6 days' worth of vacation. I just hope I've learned my lessons, whatever these lessons may be.

I'm just babbling here, but please let me. I'm in that melancholic mood again. Everyone's asleep already, so I'm just here, hanging around. I'm about to sleep in awhile. Maybe that's why I'm just randomly writing. I'm making myself sleep.

This is such a pointless post. I can't even say what I have to say.

Like I said to my friend, AA, it's amazing what life throws at you. Curve balls! Or maybe boomerangs. Haha. AA, let's talk! Let's talk talk. I have a lot of things to share. Maybe you can be my psychiatrist or something.

I'm going to work tomorrow. I'm going to work tomorrow. I'm going to work tomorrow.


In every cloud, there is a silver lining
That shines at each arc
That sparkles at each curve
That scintillates at every angle

It shields us from nightmares
And guards our thoughts
So we may not be lost in them
So we may not be caught in them

Of its end and of its beginning
We know not, we see not--
And we do not care
As long as the lining is there

Ah, what mythical god
Held the world on his shoulders
And saw those clouds fly past
In silver flight?

What did he say when he was no stronger?
When he was no brighter?
"I must move faster, soar higher!
I must reach those sparkling lights."

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Almost There

...almost there.

Hey, you.

You're almost there. The first part is done and over with, and I'm happy about how things turned out. Thank you for doing what you've done. It meant a lot to me. Now, the second part is an easy one. It's all about the setting. It's all about the timing. It's all about the mood.

But I'm sure you have this covered by now, right? :)

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One Final Thought for the Night

*sigh*

Hay, buhay.

That is all. Bow.

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Year-End Series: Things I Want to Say to People

Year-End Series

Joey is famous for this, but what the heck, I'm going to be a copycat. The rules remain the same: below are thirteen heartfelt messages I want to say to people. I won't disclose who I'm addressing these messages to, and I won't disclose how many people are actually involved (that is, it's not necessarily one-to-one). You'll just need to figure it all out. :)


1. I don't like you that much. I feel like this space is better reserved for someone I do like, but I just have to release this venom out. Perhaps it's the condescension. Perhaps it's that fucking knowing look you have, feeling like you have something on me. Well guess what? You don't.

2. You're unique in the sense that, among all of you, you are the only one who knows. And I'm not really surprised at the way you took care of me when I was at my lowest low. You used your words. Given your power of eloquent speech, you moved me to move on. You gave me the impression that you understood. You empathized with me. For that, and for so much more, I thank you. I'm glad that you're my confidant.

3. I have mixed emotions about you. Until now, I still don't understand what it is that I truly feel. So many things have happened since we met: there was a point when I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't. There was a point when I wanted to love you, but I wouldn't. You have made things certainly more complicated. For better or for worse, I don't know. Given the way my life is going, it seems like it's for worse. But let's see in 2007. Things may change.

4. That previous entry about UPR's? I was thinking of you (and one other person) when I wrote that. If you recall, you responded to my plea of help. I should have known you are the type of person who would do things like that to your friends. You don't know how happy I was when I got to receive your messages. And you did it not only once, but twice, using different means. Rock on, my friend. Continue making a difference in people's lives.

5. I know I've written this somewhere before. My feelings about you are as tumultuous as a roaring river, and as twisted as a roller coaster. From adoration, I moved to nervousness, then to dislike, then to downright hate, then to dislike, then to "love", then to nonchalance, then to dislike, then back to nonchalance, and now... I might actually be starting to warm up again! Amazing. We might actually become friends again!

6. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve every bad thing you've experienced from me.

7. There are moments when I think that you're an unappreciative brat. But one look at the written word and I realize that maybe there's more to this "ingratitude" than meets the eye. I shouldn't be too quick to judge. Now I understand that you really do care about what we have done for you. It's a good thing my perception has changed, because I don't want to add to the misery you're currently experiencing. I'm just here if you need me, like always. Again, I'm sorry for reading too much into your indifference.

8. Office life wouldn't be the same without you. This is true in every sense. Thank you for being there for me; I appreciate the friendship. I'm sorry if I entered your life in ways that modified it to great lengths. I mean this apology, and I hope you accept it.

9. When asked what it was I thought about you, I gave a response that surprised you. I'm sure you know what I said then was true. I myself could testify to the lengths you would take to make a friend feel special. And I have been a recipient of your well-intentioned efforts. Thank you for welcoming me. Thank you for making me feel I belong. (By the way, you're the other person I thought of when I wrote the UPR entry below.)

10. At last! That is all I can say. At last! Here's to a love-laden and love-filled 2007!

11. You suck. Haha. Well, not really. Well, maybe. You suck. I don't know what it is about you that caught my attention in the first place. Admittedly, you're cute, and you're quite charming, but those shouldn't have been enough for you to affect me like that. I know you didn't lead me on, but still... couldn't you be more direct about it? I'm glad that phase of my life is over. It lasted much longer than it should. Nyakers.

12. Your concern for others is quite amazing. I can't fathom how someone could be so dedicated in helping others. But I'm not one to complain. Without you, I would have long been discovered as the dumbass I really am. With you, I have learned to grow as a person, in more ways than the professional one. There are a lot of things I still want to say about you, but I limited it to the most impressive one. The rest can be seen in your Friendster testimonial, which is soon to follow.

13. Last but not the least. Definitely not the least. You know I've always mentioned how difficult it is to write something about you. You now might think differently, given that I have actually written something about you, but the truth still stands: it's hard to describe someone who has been perfect in almost every way. How can I justify how kind, how caring, how thoughtful you have been... how selfless you remain until now? I simply cannot. Let me then just say: Thank you. I'm so lucky to have met you. I'm looking forward to many more years of friendship. :)

Thank goodness, the messages are done! That took some time. Hee. Please feel free to speculate on who these people are. It would take a very brilliant mind (or someone very, very close to me) to figure out all 13. Don't send me any messages asking who number 6 is or if you're on the list. Rules are rules, people.

Next up in the Year-End Series: The Year 2006 in Review.

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JSA

...but when it came, I felt... used.

I expected this, and even wished for it, but when it came, I felt disappointed. And empty. And used.

Maybe I didn't wish for it, after all.

Maybe I can't live life the way I have planned it.

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Of Ends and Beginnings

- - -

My heart bleeds.

It's so painful.

It hurts so bad.

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- - -

Deep Within

i'm tired.
i'm confused.
i don't want to think anymore.

that's what i've always done.
think and think and think some more.

why can't i just have fun?
why do i always have to think?

i want to be in a happy place.
i want to be blissful: in a beach, in a resthouse, in a bar.
away from everything.
away from every single thing that causes me sadness.
with a glass of juice, or a pillow, or a beer in hand.
alone, but not really alone.
talking to the sea, talking to the birds, talking to some random stranger.

no one i know is with me.
in this place, i am in a bubble.
protected. defended. secure.

i worry about nothing.
i worry about no one.

because in the end, there's just me.

i deserve to be alone. i think i'm meant to be alone.

i am terribly, terribly tired.
i am terribly, terribly sad.

just.
sad.

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Rent-isms

...don't you want your [boy] hot?

Some thoughts taken from the wonderful movie Rent (such a give-away as to how the movie review would go, hehe):

"How do you document real life when real life's getting more like fiction each day?"

"There's only us, there's only this, forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today..."

"Open your door, I'll be your tenant, don't got much baggage to lay at your feet. But sweet kisses I've got to spare. I'll be there, and I'll cover you."

"I think they meant it, when they said you can't buy love, now I know you can rent it, a new lease you are my love..."

"To days of inspiration, playing hookey, making something out of nothing... to communicate, to going against the grain, going insane, going mad..."

"...food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm, power, feeling, harmony, and heavy competition..."

"Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say, 'Baby's so sweet.' Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me-- boys, girls-- I can't help it baby..."

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be... and if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me. No way - can I be what I'm not, but hey - don't you want your [boy] hot?"

I understand that what I wrote above are lyrics from the soundtrack rather than original thoughts, but you can be assured that each has a purpose as to why they're there. Hee.

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Secrets

Quid quid latet adparebit nil inultum remanebit.

Quid quid latet adparebit nil inultum remanebit.

No one can keep their secrets for so long. We will all be found out. We will all be discovered. But even if this were true, people are entitled to their secrets in the same way that they are entitled to keeping their dignity intact. It is just a matter of self-preservation in a world that can be harsh. In a world that can be unforgiving. In a world that will not understand.

It's just a matter of survival.

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