Order of the Blue Eagles

...my alma mater did not disappoint.

Jel and I went back to Ateneo to "experience" the school all over again. Like I said in one of my previous posts, being in Ateneo is both refreshing and rejuvenating, a spring of fresh water amidst all the corporate murkiness. And during my second visit, my alma mater did not disappoint. Here are some pictures (yesss...) documenting this very wonderful day.


The day began with lunch at Ken Afford, one of the restaurants we frequent during our college days. Jel had stuffed squid, while I had my staple, chicken lollipops. (Warning: Diet Failure Ahead!)



Don't worry, I only had one rice. And, well, some soup. ;)



After that sumptuous lunch, we finally went inside the campus. The landscape was breathtaking, to say the least. Maybe these pictures could convince you of the beauty that is the Ateneo.





Of course, admiring the beautiful landscape wasn't our primary reason in visiting Ateneo. We then proceeded to do what we needed to do.





Oops. Not that. We studied. Unfortunately, I was informed by the receptionist in the library that I only had 3 passes for this semester. In order for me to have unlimited library visiting privileges (I feel like I'm at the losing end of a child custody case), I should avail for myself the Ateneo Alumni card, or the Order of the Blue Eagle card, whichever I preferred. I went to the Office of Alumni Relations later on, picking the Ateneo Alumni card, but in the meantime, we studied.




At the end of the day, after a chunk of loss models has been retained in my brain and a chunk of remedial law has been retained in Jel's, we decided to go back home. It would never have occurred to us that we would be taking a detour and meet up with Jack in UP.



We ate dinner at UP, dessert in McDonald's Philcoa, and chatted about life a bit before calling it a night. Jack had his curfew, and we had ours (yeah, right).




Rejuvenation in. Lights out.

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First Entry with Picture

I wonder how this looks like.

I just wanted to see how an entry would look like with a picture in it. Pictures are such interesting things, no?



In case you're wondering, this is a picture of my study clutter.

ETA: It doesn't look bad, after all. I've been avoiding placing pictures in my entries because I thought it would destroy my magazine-type lay-out, but whatdyaknow? It enhances it just fine. I guess this means more pictures in the future, eh?

E once more TA: Now that I've finished being astounded by the effect of pictures on an entry, I am now going to close the Internet Explorer and make my way to McDo, where I am going to continue studying for my actuarial exam. Ha! Haven't written that in ages!

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All Good Things Must Come to An End

22

All good things must come to an end.

And of all days... today.

I'm not sure how to proceed.

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Year-End Series: Plans, Plans, Plans

Year-End Series

Now, we've come to the last part of my Year-End Series. After describing some of my pet peeves and pet loves; after revealing both thankful and tactless thoughts on the most prominent people in my life during 2006; and after providing a short but comprehensive summary of the year that was, it's now time to disclose what my plans for the future are. I'll try to be specific as possible, and I'll try to write down resolutions for each aspect of my life. Here they are:


Work:

1. Never work on a Sunday again. It's only fun when you're in the company of friends. Even then, there's that nagging feeling that you guys shouldn't be having fun in the midst of work: you guys should be having fun outside it.

2. Avoid coming in on a Saturday. There are ways of not having to work on weekends, I'm pretty sure. And I'm also pretty sure that I haven't done all of these ways.

3. Be home by 8 PM. I'm not saying that I should leave the office by 8-- I should be home by 8. This means that I should be out of the office by 6 to 7. I will only stay longer if 1) there's a project that needs to be rushed, and 2) this project cannot be done at home. Like I said, there are ways of not having to extend my stay in the office.

4. Reduce chatting time. I have reason to believe that the chatroom is where much of my lost productivity goes. Cutting down on the virtual talk can very well be the key in accomplishing more during the 8 hours allotted to work.

5. Speed up on the studies. Slack not, human! Think faster, but also think better. This is the hardest part to change about work, but I will try. I will really try.

Lifestyle:

1. Eat less. Continue with the fish and seafood "diet". I have accomplished much in 2006 when I cut down my rice intake from 2 cups to 1. Unfortunately, what I lost in rice I gained in everything else. Haha. Now that I know the eating ways of the Actuarial Division, I would adapt accordingly.

2. Find a physical activity to engage in. Chris suggests badminton with Paul. Despite my limited motor skills, I can do that, I think. Jogging (like what Jel has started to do) is difficult, given my 830 schedule. Getting a gym pass will only be worth it if someone tags along. I wouldn't want to do all the exercises alone. That would probably be a ticket to embarrassment.

3. Sleep earlier. Now that I'm vowing to go home earlier, I have no excuse to sleep later. If I get my early rest, I then have no excuse of arriving late at work. I then will have ample time to prepare myself psychologically for the rest of the day.

4. Spend less, save more. I'm not sure I can cut down on the money spent on taxis. Oops. I can cut down on food, I think. And on coffee (once I get my Starbucks planner). Hay, this is such a difficult resolution. But like any other resolution, I would have to try.

5. Another reason why Lifestyle resolution #4 is so difficult to achieve. Perhaps I should strike it out now. Haha. Resolution #5: look good. This is simply a vanity thing. Buy better-fitting clothes. Buy clothes! Buy shoes that fit. Buy shoes! Smell good, look good, feel good. Toj has an idea, and perhaps I can adopt it here: risk more. Like what she says in her blog, "Trying new things everyday isn't so bad at all." I concur.

6. Read more about current events. Subscribe to Time or Newsweek or Reader's Digest. I've started this year by reading outside my usual brand of fiction (Stephen King and his posse), and I've found it to be quite satisfying. Especially the nonfiction kind. They say truth is stranger than fiction, and perhaps I can delve into those literary pieces, as well.

Personal Relationships:

1. Be nicer to others. Not in the passive sense, but in the active one. Go out of my way to make people feel better about themselves. I'm not going to plan Any Big Thing, but just little acts of kindness. Like what most self-help books would say, "A Little Deed Goes A Long Way."

2. Be meaner to others. Yes, meaner to others who deserve the meanness. This year, I have no plans of being trampled upon again. I'm sure this is quite difficult, the most difficult one to implement among all my resolutions, primarily because who I am is innate to me. I've grown this personality for 22 years, and a sudden shift to the "dark side" is going to take some time. But whatever. After all I've been through in 2006, I cannot honestly say I haven't changed.

Those are my plans for 2007. Even now, I'm sure I won't be able to accomplish all of them. But optimistic am I. This is for my own good, why shouldn't I attempt to make myself better, right?

Right.

Have a very merry 2007, everyone! :)

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Year-End Series: The Year 2006 in Review

Year-End Series

Let me just say it aloud, right here at the onset: 2006 sucked. But then again, I'm getting ahead of myself, and already generalizing. Here's a short summary of the year, month by month.


January: Received news that I passed Course FM after months of anticipation. I got a 17 over 25 in a test that had 18 as its previous passing mark. I was on the bubble for weeks, and when the results came, I was happy as hell. Started studying for Course M, having heard the future Actuarial Idol's performance on the exam.

Also: my phone got stolen on the 2nd of January. My 5-year old phone, my gift from my high school graduation, the phone I've learned to love, got nabbed by a thief inside our boarding house room. The freaking phone was just beside me on the bed. Tsk tsk. Maybe it was nature's way of saying, "Replace that ancient gadget." In any case, because of the kindness of Joey's mom, I got a new phone, the Sony Walkman 550i, during the last week of January.

February: Weeks of studying at work interrupted when the big guns from Hong Kong arrived. Company projects were given. I was shipped off to PELAC. Transportation became so much less of a burden. Met new friends.

March: Continued secret project in PELAC. First experienced going home beyond 6 PM because of work. Moreover, also first experienced the wonders of vomiting induced by consuming unrealistic amounts of alcohol. The pressure of MAP graduation began to be felt by everyone.

April: I am not sure if anything happened during this month. I studied more for Course M, I guess. Ah, wait. First met Mr. Centeno in a meeting with Ms. Jess, Ms. Avic, and Steve Clark. It then dawned on me that these were my future bosses. I grew more excited about the transference.

May: Everything was set. I was told I would be going to Actuarial. That was happy news. The MA Program was over. That was sad news. We were told about our final destinations: some were happy, some were satisfied, others became depressed. To keep ourselves intact, and to keep our friendship whole, we went to Ange's resthouse in Pililla. Site of the now infamous Jacuzzi. Surely, these were great times. And then, graduation. Sad times once again.

And oh. I took the Course M exam. Difficult. The PAK scores, however, pushed me to be optimistic.

June: Entered Actuarial. It was a wonderful transference, to say the least. I believe, among the 8 of us in MAP, I had the easiest time adjusting to post-MAP depression. Must be the people who were in the department. Several of them were within spitting distance from my age, and a notable few made my first few days very pleasant. Had my first videoke session. Went to Batangas with them on my first week, got drunk, and slept.

Work-wise, I suddenly felt inadequate. My Excel skills, which in MAP I thought were good enough, could not even compare to the rest. I questioned my own ability to learn what others have learned; I became quite insecure. I first became appalled at myself during the time that I accomplished only one bullet point for the day. I shared these insecurities to my other MA friends, and they felt the same way. I felt better, knowing that we were all struggling. It wasn't me, it must be the newness of the jobs.

I became fatter. At the end of the month, I have gained more than ten pounds.

I received my bonus. I invested in PAMI and saved in China Bank.

July: Such an interesting month. And perhaps the month that triggered all the other months that followed.

First worked on a Saturday. I was quite proud of it during that time. I'm sure it was not necessary to work on a Saturday at that point, but I did. Just to test the waters, so to speak.

And speaking of testing the waters... this was the month of knowing. This was the month of discovering. The discoveries were a result of a straightforward question, and a test that eventually paid off. The repercussions were extreme, to say the least, but these could be told another time. The important thing is: it all happened in July.

But wait, there's more! I learned that I passed the Course M exam. Yebah! Unfortunately, due to some pressing deadlines, I was not able to study for Course C right away. What a very bad decision.

But wait, there's more!

There was four.

August: My birthday! I turned 22. I didn't realize it at that time, chalking it up to melancholy, but I was already on the verge of the biggest depression of my entire life. The question playing on my mind right now is this: if I knew in advance what would happen, would I have been able to stop it?

September: Heartbreak. Hardships. Despair. Depression. A temporary reprieve in the form of a vacation. Karmic retribution. Kerwin, interrupted. Kerwin, lost. Bouts of self-pity. Bouts of self-hate. The worst month of my entire life. And I'm not exaggerating.

John Mayer in Comfortable: "Can't remember, what went wrong last September; though I'm sure you'd remind me, if you had to. Our love was, comfortable and... so broken in..."

Green Day in Wake Me Up When September Ends: "The innocent can never last... wake me up, when September ends."

October: The time of recovery. I learned to expand my horizons to include other people. I learned to become more conscious about myself. This, I believe, was the time when I became more vain. If I were to put an exact month on those initial moments of vanity, it would be October.

In other news, I started to fear more about my Course C exam.

November: Took the Course C exam, got a 22, one less than the usual passing mark. And with that, I returned once again to the time when I just finished the Course FM exam. I was on the bubble once again, with weeks of nail-biting anticipation ahead of me. If I pass, then I would be promoted to Actuarial Associate. If I don't pass, then I would have to endure the new exam syllabus, as well as the utter humiliation I would be taking from my own self.

On a more personal note, I learned that some people suck. Just when I was recovering, someone comes along to aggravate the wounds. It's not the person's fault, not really, but I can't help but think that it could all have been avoided. I couldn't believe I almost plunged into depression again!

December: Spent half of this month organizing the Actuarial Christmas party. It ended a little below my expectations, but I think we managed it well.

In other news, this was the month of shocking changes. The most "abrupt" month, if that even makes sense. It bothered me a little, but then I got over it. I learned to accept things as they were, and not make a big fuss over them. To help me achieve this, I adopted the mantra: "Be nice, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." This helped me in feeling happiness I haven't felt for some time. Being good is good.

-------------------------------

As you can see, 2006 was bad, but it wasn't devastatingly bad. I managed to recover from the mid-year crisis I underwent. Of course, the remnants of that time are still with me; I doubt if these embers will ever fade. I'm not one to complain, though. Perhaps it's good that I have these experiences with me, to help me become a better person, to help me become a better man. In the future, I may be able to look at that time in my life and feel, not a stinging sense of regret and sadness, but a refreshing sense of having grown as a person, of having learned from my stupid mistakes.

Here's to a happier 2007! :)

Next up in the Year-End Series: Plans, Plans, Plans.

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Course C

...a huge chasm [separates] love for the subject and actually understanding it, and that... is practice.

You just know this post was forthcoming, didn't you?

Guys, I'm panicking. Seriously. I know you've heard this a thousand times before, but I really am. My fourth actuarial exam (the exam that will catapult me to Associateship, which is, like, a very cool thing) takes place less than two weeks from now, and I feel like I'm not prepared for it. At all. Granted, the coverage of the exam is kinda fun to study (unlike that dreadful Course FM exam, which I truly loathed), but still. There's a huge chasm separating love for the subject and actually understanding it, and that chasm is practice. I don't have much time in my hands right now to engage in that vital step. And, given my skewed priorities, I'm not sure if I'm going to survive.

Hay, I shouldn't even be blogging, but here you go.

Good luck to me and my future.

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Sleepy

Everywhere I type. Everywhere I write.

Posts to follow:
1. Review of Rent, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, and Superman Returns.
2. Review of The Old Spaghetti House, Burgoo, Pizza Hut Bistro, and Jollibee Rockwell.
3. Review of Heroes of Might and Magic V.

Studies to follow:
1. Withdrawal Experience Study
2. PA Expense Study
3. Group Industry Statistics

Everywhere I type. Everywhere I write. I cannot help myself. I'll always go back to writing. Only one thing can stop me, and that is sleep. So I'll stop.

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PASSED

I PASSED!

3 AM, Saturday. In front of the computer. Circles around eyes for not being able to sleep.

Click, click, click. Heart beating wildly in my chest. Thump-thump-thump-thump-THUMP. Click, click, click. Hands feeling sweaty although it's raining and it's cold. Eyesight keen, like 20/20. There! The candidate numbers! Thump-THUMP. Thump-THUMP. Scrolling down, scrolling down. The most important candidate number is not in sight. Scrolling up, scrolling-- THERE! 32804! The magic number! I PASSED! But wait... must be sure. Must be certain. Must have absolutely no doubt. Checking, checking. The number's still there! I really passed! Wee!

The feeling's so great I'm still stunned. Hu-waw!

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Six-Day Work Week

...contrary to all the bravado... I thoroughly enjoyed Saturday work.

I told myself and others I would never go down that road. I told it with chest puffed out and head held high. I told it with some kind of arrogant pride. "Saturdays are days to relax and unwind," I said. "Saturdays are never, ever utilized for work."

How wrong I was. How fast I'm quickly eating the words I had just uttered.

Needless to say, I went to work yesterday. And, contrary to all the bravado that was displayed when I told people that I would never work on Saturdays, I thoroughly enjoyed Saturday work. The office seemed so peaceful-- the phones weren't ringing off the hook, the conversations were down to a negligible murmur, and the atmosphere had a dreary feel to it that I liked. The strong downpour of rain outside helped set the mood for productive work even further. Unlike in most situations where it would have induced a want for sleep, the rain made me feel as though I was its prisoner. That I was to do its bidding. That I was to work. And so I did.

I didn't finish all that I had to do, but it was a start. The push was already present, and that was all I needed in order to finish today what I had attempted to end yesterday. The good thing is, I feel great about it. I know I'll be able to do it.

All thanks to Saturday work.

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Self-Doubt

I cannot afford to be lax... I cannot afford to make mistakes.

These past few days have been really trying for me at work. As it was with every new beginning, my insecurities started kicking in once again. "What if I don't get to finish my study on time? What if I get blamed for a mistake that truly is my own? What if I don't exceed HR's and everyone else's expectations? What if I faaaaaaiiiilllll???" Of course, during these times of crises, my friends will always be there to say that everything would be OK, you've been there before, you've always managed to stay on top of the game, blah-dee-blah. (No offense, guys. I do appreciate the all-out support.) Despite this, I'm always able to find reasons why this time is different from the last; despite this, I'm always able to find reasons to whine.

For instance, I can confidently say that this time is different from last time because this time it's real work. As an MA, 40% of my time was spent on creating exciting and relevant projects; 60% was spent on trying to make myself believe that these projects were actually exciting and relevant. (This changed in the latter part of the Program, but still.) This time around, every study that I write, every number that I crunch, every recommendation that I propose will have a resonating impact throughout the entire company system. I cannot afford to become lax anymore. I cannot afford to make mistakes.

Sigh. I hope that I'll get over this, given the passage of time. Or given the passing of the first study. Right now, I'll just have to be contented with the fact that I'm the slowest study sloth who ever trodded the Actuarial department.

One bullet in one day?! Three pages in three days?! Imagine that.

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