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Deep Within

i'm tired.
i'm confused.
i don't want to think anymore.

that's what i've always done.
think and think and think some more.

why can't i just have fun?
why do i always have to think?

i want to be in a happy place.
i want to be blissful: in a beach, in a resthouse, in a bar.
away from everything.
away from every single thing that causes me sadness.
with a glass of juice, or a pillow, or a beer in hand.
alone, but not really alone.
talking to the sea, talking to the birds, talking to some random stranger.

no one i know is with me.
in this place, i am in a bubble.
protected. defended. secure.

i worry about nothing.
i worry about no one.

because in the end, there's just me.

i deserve to be alone. i think i'm meant to be alone.

i am terribly, terribly tired.
i am terribly, terribly sad.

just.
sad.